Thursday, December 10, 2009

Crappy Crappy Crap

Hey all,

I don't even know how to start this post so I am just going to go right into it.
I was talking to my God-Daughter Cloie's mom on Tues about taking her for the weekend we were talking about things and she blurts out I didn't tell Aunt Chris Yet but.....
I was like Are you Pregnant?????!?!?!?!?! UMMM yea like 3 months.
WTF you CAN NOT even handle the 2 children you have now and your adding a 3rd.
Then so goes on to say that her gas is shut off and it will hopefully be turned back on this week.
It is freaking freezing here. She said well I have space heaters so it is not bad.
Then we are talking about Christmas and she is like I am going to get the kids Timberland Boots. In my head I was like why not PAY YOUR FREAKING BILLS and buy them Payless boots.
Not to mention their house is going up for Sheriff sale in Jan. HOW ABOUT YOU FIND A PLACE TO FREAKING LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!
I just don't understand it! I want a baby so bad but is waiting until a little longer until I am financially stable. I have a job so does Eric we have 2 cars, a nice place to live, we have GAS (heat) but we are not popping out a kid yet. NOT THEM!!!!

Not to mention I am terrified that we will not be able to have kids or have problems it scares me so much that I push it out of my head. I was in a relationship for 9 yrs and the last 2 did not use anything and NO baby. I am with Eric going on 3 yrs and have not used anything in the last 2 and no baby. DO I write it off as God has a plan for me to have a baby when he thinks I should? Do I bring it up to my doctor? Eric was with a girl for 3 yrs who had a baby with 3 guys and never got pregnant with him. Are we both infertile? God just typing that word makes my heart sink:( I have never said that word out loud. I actually have a yrs check up this month maybe I will bring it up to him even though we are not "officially trying" yet I am getting older.
Oh well I am off to have dinner with my Best Friend Jenn, she always makes me feel better.


Allison said...

Im so sorry Melissa! I know that has to be so hard to hear coming from someone who you know cant even handle what they have on their plate. I think you should say something to your doctor- if for peace of mine if nothing else. Keep us updated! Praying for u!

Helene said...

Oh, I totally know where you're coming from with this post. I can sense the anger and I get it. The whole time I was struggling to conceive I was a program director for a foster family agency and it was gut-wrenching to me that crack whores and child abusers were able to conceive kids (even while their other kids were in foster care!!) and yet I couldn't conceive worth a darn!!! It was upsetting and frustrating.

I also had the "what ifs" so many times wondering if there was a problem, why I wasn't getting pregnant. It never hurts to at least see your doctor (like the previous commenter mentioned). Sometimes it's better to be one step ahead.